Raising Awareness, Raising $$
11 years ago
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The gut stabbing "look"
Maybe I am a little thin skinned right now..... I am more then a little nervous about the upcoming school year for Lila and Ava, not really the educational part, that I can control, but is is more on the social part. This morning when I dropped them off at dayschool, I noticed one of the older girls (7/8yrs) looking at Lila with that "look", I guess only a parent of a special needs child would know it, its that look of almost disgust/condesending/irritation. While Lila could have cared less she be bopped her way to her age group, I overheard the girl asking Ava "why does you sister wear glasses, what is wrong with her?" and not is a concerned tone of voice if you know what I mean.I was not able to hear what Ava replied and I am almost scared to know. I would hope she would have said "her eyes need help you bubblehead, why else would someone wear glasses?" but Ava is not very self confident and this girl is very popular so others were hanging onto her every word and looking at my girl. I can imagine Ava feeling intimidated. I will ask Ava what she replied and I don't want her to be afraid of saying the wrong thing, but she will probably be on her guard if I ask or she will tell me "I don't know" her usual fall back answer. arrgg. We have spoken to her about WS and how it affects Lila, but I think this is the first time she has been outright asked by a peer. What is going to happen in the regular school setting? How do we further prepare her? What about Lila? She is 5 and while we have spoken about WS to her, I really do not think she comprehends this. Sometimes I think Lila will at some point comprehend and at other times I see her in her own little world. Will ignorance truely be bliss? There are so many sharp edges to this damn sword. I don't want Williams Syndrome, I hate it, but more then that, I hate that the world and the people in it are not perfect and that my girls, typical and not, are so flippen vulnerable.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
feel as though you must protect them even more when they hit school age. I know I struggle with those issues too. The older kids have been asked time and time again, that is the only good thing about being in the same school district for so long, so many kids already know the answer so they have stopped asking, if we move, what does that do?
Feeling your pain,
Noel
I just had a similar issue about 20 minutes before I read your post...except it was a mother of a girl who Ari used to do cheerleading with. Ari tried to talk to her several times and she just wouldn't acknowledge her...I finally pulled Ari away and had to stop my self from saying "bitch" out loud....what the heck is wrong with people...seriously it's like an epidemic of lack of humanity! I am so sorry you had that experience. It must have felt awful. Let's keep in touch since both girls are entering Kindergarten...it will be nice to have someone else to chat with about it all : )
ARRG@!
I do know the look very well.
My older son does pretty good with the questions and answers now. He is still embarrased by his little bro though. Caleb has never been bothered by it, and I don't think he will be for a few years yet. I mean, if someone is outright mean to him, he gets upset, but if they are sarcastic, or roundabout with their feelings, then he doesn't get it. Ignorance is bliss as long as it holds out. I am scared to think of the day when he finally does get it. You know, it's hard because they are your baby and you want to protect them. I guess this is one of the things I hate most about ws. I've had parents ignore Caleb too, when he was only trying to say hi. I let him bother them until they say hi, or they give him a funny look. I figure either they are learning something or he will. hang in there, and keep in touch with the other mommies who's girls are going to Kdg. It will help. xoxo, Heather
Please, don't be so hard on yourself or your kids. It is very complicated as parents to deal with, can you imagine being a sibling? She will get it, her protective instinct will take over(:
Amy
I have heard others moms tell me that they go to the school and talk to the kids about Special Needs and about WS to help them understand and alleviate the questions and mean and unkind words that are said. I have thought that when the time comes, I will take this approach myself. Maybe something you might think about talking to the teachers about doing? I think if we educate typical kids about Special Needs kids then they are more likely to take them under their wings and "help" them because they understand. It's when they don't understand, then it just becomes easier and "cooler" to make fun.
This particular mom told me that each school year she arranged with the teacher to go in and talk to the class about her son and he has a younger sibling, so she also went to her class and spoke to them as well and allowed them to ask any questions they wanted.
Hugs and good luck!
I hate that "look" :(
Many of the kids at Liams school have been quite nice to Jai, one boy i walked past the other day said to his friend "hey theres that little boy that hugs everyone" he then proceeded to high five Jaiden, smiled at me and said "he's cute", i needed that, could have hugged the boy myself - if only all children could be that way...
I think as Jai grows things will become harder, i am dreading Kindy next year, its just to much to comprehend at the moment.
That must be very hard to deal with. I worry about my son and how he will deal with the questions about his sister when they come. He's 5 now, going into Kindergarten. Carriella probably won't go to school for another 2 years since she is a November baby. They’ve been in the same daycare center for 2 1/2 years and no one has asked. But Carriella is still very young (and looks even younger than 2 3/4) so it's cute when she hugs strangers and says hi until you respond to her!
Anyway, when I start to fret, I remember something my sister said to me when Carriella was diagnosed: Just like you were chosen to be her parents, Christian was chosen to be her brother. He will be able to handle it!"
So, give Ava time and always talk to her about the type of people who pick on others who are different from the "norm." Empower her with confidence and make her understand how special she is as an individual and as Lila's big sister.
Unfortunately, we can't fix other people's kids (or parents!) but we can teach our own children--typical and special needs--to be thoughtful, respectful, inclusive and most of all, articulate advocates for themselves and their siblings. It certainly won't stop us from wanting to scream *bitch* or *bastard* every once in awhile, but it will remind us that we've doing our part to raise children who will grow up to be adults who know how to make a difference in the world..
Post a Comment