We had a great time at the WS picnic here in Texas. It was hot but not unbearable. A fantastic turnout of families was had and our girls enjoyed themselves immensly.
So......Why do I feel this way? It is now Monday and I am still so very sad. Saturday night with Lila snoozing beside me I felt scared out of my mind and in tears. So many emotions from one day. One day of seeing and hearing the past and experiencing the future. The future of anxiety, tight hamstrings and social awkwardness. The future of never really being able to relax, so many tired parents craning their necks to keep track of their adult children wandering too close to the pond or out onto the playgrounds.
Honestly the future scares me, so much work, so much fight, SO MUCH. I found myself second guessing my stand on her schooling, her behavior, her medical and emotional health. Hell I am worried about my mental health:) Sunday, my deceased mother's birthday, was a blur. Never really reaching my normal self, just kind of sputtering around, do what had to be done. This morning dawned much the same but off to work with a laundry list of worries and "to do". A email sent off to the school, email sent off to the Director of Special Education, phone messages left for dr. s and their nurses. Rescheduling of dentist and the rearrangement of work to be able to participate in Field Day ( times 2). Trying to stay so busy that I won't cry. My day job almost over, maybe I can cry in the van on the way to gymnastics. maybe not...........
Raising Awareness, Raising $$
9 years ago
6 comments:
I am sorry that it hit you like that. I have to admit it still hits me like that even though we have been to several gatherings. I think you just always second guess yourself. You also realize how much work this journey will be, but it will be worth it, I know it will.
love,hugs,
I think we have our noses to the grindstone most days, so looking up to see what's ahead is a bit shocking at times. Totally normal, I imagine. Our pastor reminded us last Sunday that to overcome pain we need to allow ourselves to feel it. It's really, really hard to do that sometimes. Big hugs.
Tes, I understand your emotions 100% It is so hard to do what Noel said and feel your own emotions because they hurt so much! I try not to look to much into the future anymore...I know ultimately I have no control of what is to be and although it is sooo hard (and I am often not at all successful) I do try to follow my yogi ways and live in the moment, feel what my body/mind is sreaming at me to feel and then let go of it...I think that's why the blog is so important...now when I am experinecning an extream emotion I run right to the blog...I don't even alway post it and sometimes delete what I write but it helps me process and get it out. We all have long difficult roads ahead for certain but thank God we have eachother to lean on during the journey. xoxoxo
Every time I go to a gathering I leave feeling that way and it takes a while for me to get over it. I agree with Nancy, we live day to day just trying to get everything done and organized (and make it thru the day) that when we start hearing about the future it scares us to death. Hang in there and I hope you begin to 'feel' better soon. A really good cry usually makes me feel better - but completely understand where you are coming from.
Arg, that feeling! It hit me yesterday. Is this it? Is this how it's always going to be? Won't it ever get better? It's completely valid to feel this way, I think. It isn't ungrateful, and it isn't like we're hanging around being negative. Know that you can always say how you feel, and there's a group of us that will say, "Amen, sister, I know where you're coming from." :)
Also, feeling lost around your mother's birthday? It makes absolute sense. Dates have a way of sneaking up on us unbidden. I always get very depressed around my friend's birthday, even though I thought that I had come to terms with her death. I didn't consciously realize the correlation until later.
I felt like that when Patrick was younger. I got off the websites for WS for several years. Now that I think of him as Patrick and not Patrick with Williams Syndrome, I can read and study the issues more. I have found that although there are many similarities, there are also tremendous differences. Patrick will be 14 in July and is acting like a typical teenager most days. Still have some anxiety issues and some medical issues, but all very tolerable. He is such a joy most of the time.
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